I think that I have calmed down a little bit in the past couple days. After my 39 week check up on Wednesday, we found out that we are checking into the hospital this Sunday evening to be induced. FINALLY!!!! My husband wasn’t at the appointment with me when I received the news but when I called him from the parking lot I could tell in his voice, or lack there of, that it hit him. I think he is a little nervous. As for me, I still can’t believe that she will be here in a matter of days. There are so many things that are going through my head now that I know she will be here on Monday. Am I going to be a good mom? Is she going to be healthy? Is she really a she or could she come out a he? Is it going to hurt? Am I ever going to fit into my favorite pair of jeans again? So many questions, so little answers.
I think I am most scared of the first few days after the baby is born. The little things like feeding her is one of the most feared tasks I have. I have read all the books and listened to the millions of people tell me that I need to breastfeed. Breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed. The only person that has told me to do whatever I want is my sister, who has not had any children yet. It is amazing to me that most women my mother’s age didn’t breastfeed. My mom had three children and didn’t even try with us and we all turned out as normal as anyone else. We didn’t have any abnormal health problems or development issues. Well, my parents might argue the development issues with me but that is a whole other story for another day. I am not against breastfeeding at all, it just scares for me some reason. Many might think I am being selfish but it seems like it is a very daunting task. The fact that I need to keep nipple cream on hand is absolutely nuts. Do you realize how painful “sore and cracked” nipples sound? All I can say is that I am going to attempt to breastfeed our little nugget but if this don’t work the way God has intended, I’m switching to the formula. I figure, I was blessed with my chest for some reason and if it doesn’t nourish my child then someone is playing a very bad trick on me.
Let the breastfeeding begin!